Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Deaf Voice Dilemma

I am Deaf.

I'll spare you a detailed explanation of my audiogram with concepts of decibels and frequency levels, but just know I'm really really Deaf.

The moment I open my mouth to speak, hearing people can't seem to help but exclaim, "But you speak SO well!"

I'll weakly smile and nod to acknowledge this sentiment, but inside I am cringing. Why?
My voice is a double-edged sword. The moment I speak, any conceptions of my Deafness and communication needs I've worked hard to acquire immediately fly out into the void with very little hope of ever coming back.

The very second I use my voice, in many hearing people's minds, I am no longer different. I am just like them. I speak, therefore I hear.

NO!

Well, yes. With my hearing aids I have developed sound awareness. What many people struggle to realize is that there is a HUGE difference between sound awareness and actual understanding.

Sometimes if the conditions are perfect, my brain can piece together these sounds paired with visual cues to allow me to get the gist of what's going on. But that is NOT reliable communication.

I'll ask a person to write, type or enunciate more clearly after realizing I cannot understand. Oftentimes, I discover the hearing person has already firmly established in their mind I am not different and finds it extremely difficult to accommodate my communication requests and needs.

All because I opened my mouth.
All because "I speak so well."

A lifetime of this frustration has taught me that sometimes it is just easier for everyone involved if I simply do not speak at all.

I am grateful to have learned American Sign Language later in life. ASL has opened up so many communication channels for me through sign language interpreters and video relay service for the telephone. I realize that the majority of hearing people do not know sign language, so signing isn't always an option. As a culturally Deaf person vouching for my peers, all we ask of you is to ACCEPT our communication requests and needs. We're all different and have spent our entire lives learning and fine-tuning our own communication preferences. It is not up to you to determine that. Simply accept us for who we are and we need, and I promise you there will be significantly less friction and frustration.
 
To all the well-intentioned folks who comment on my voice and insist I use it, I appreciate the sentiment. All I ask is that you understand regardless of my speech (or not), I am still DEAF and always will be Deaf.

It is my job to educate, but your responsibility to respect and learn. So pass this along to others!

Thank you!

1 comment:

  1. Am interested if you learned to ride a motorcycle prior to learning sign? As a non-sign deaf without hearing-aids, am struggling to get motorcycle instruction in my state. One organization has the monopoly to instruct (I literally would need to go out of my state to get smaller individual instruction). However, their 'beginning course' is for those who, in plain-speak, fit the hearing mold and have had some familiarization or experience on a motorcycle. Wanted to find out methods used that were most helpful, as what I have asked for is 3 sets of 10 minute time increments of personalized one-on-one with an instructor (before and after range time and during lunch break.) The response was 1) to 'try to make me hear' with speaker relays, 2) repeated offer for me to read on the range while instructor talks, -the impracticality of this, I don't even have words, not least to say, I tried it with them and it did not work, yet they keep coming back to it. The take-away from this plan is essentially, to memorize the basics in order that I don't need to rely on instructor communication, but am able to cue directions and keep moving with the assembly-line.

    The reality is, because I can speak well, they do not trust me when I say, "I can not hear." Your words where like a pin-poke release to the mounting frustration I am going through. Am so grateful to read them:

    "I discover the hearing person has already firmly established in their mind I am not different and finds it extremely difficult to accommodate my communication requests and needs.

    All because I opened my mouth.
    All because "I speak so well."

    A lifetime of this frustration has taught me that sometimes it is just easier for everyone involved if I simply do not speak at all."

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